Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
