Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
