I am puke
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
