Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
this will be a night to untag.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My ass is underappreciated
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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