i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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