Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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