Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize