See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
