ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
