Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
