I'm gonna have a badass scar
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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