you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
