i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
