you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
