well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
