hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
