Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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