Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My pussy is not your playground.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
