She announced her abortion via fbk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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