Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My nipple is on Facebook.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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