So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you had me at cake vodka
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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