YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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