i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
