I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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