When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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