it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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