Duck Duck Cougar?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
