Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
