Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
