I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
