And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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