Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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