why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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