Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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