So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
