the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
