You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
