he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
