dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
