This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
50% drunk capacity currently
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
