so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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