he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
