Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize