I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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