I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
