It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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