those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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