I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
