so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
