I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
