Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize