Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
