do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
