That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
