Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
