I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
