I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
