She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
