You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
