Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize