I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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