That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
